“The Evolution of Dad” is now available on DVD!!
I wanted to share this with you in honor of the film’s release this morning:
The other night, as I was tucking my elder son, Charlie, into bed, we were discussing the movie and how it would be shared with the world in such a short time.
“I hope it makes dads realize that they should be at home all the time like you,” Charlie said.
His comment made me pause.
“Charlie, I’m not trying to say that every dad should be at home all the time,” I tried explaining.
“You’re not?”
“No. Unless a dad just wants or needs to be at home, I think it’s important for him to be working. Working is important. It supports the family. It helps society. It can be very meaningful. I just think more balance between work and family would be better for everybody.”
“But don’t you want to be at home?”
“I love spending time with you, Charlie, and I’m really, really lucky that I can be around you like I’ve been, but I also like to be out of the home and contributing to the world in other ways as well. That’s why I made the film, kiddo.”
For me, the whole process of making this film has been my trying to figure out how to find that elusive balance between work and family. How do I navigate between my two greatest passions: making films and being a dad? It’s a question that I think most men are struggling with as the responsibilities – and great joys – of work and family collide, and there are as many ways to answer the question as there are people asking it.
I have had the privilege of being home with my sons for their entire lives, so Charlie is worried that the film will take me away from him. I understand his concern. I share it, too, in the way that so many dads do who enjoy their work but love their children beyond imagining. However, one of the great joys of being Dad, and not 6 years old, like Charlie, is that I can appreciate that this situation does not have to be defined by its extremes.
I have to believe it’s possible for all of us to have a fulfilling work life that provides for our families, and at the same time allows us to give our kids what they need from us as parents. That’s what the Evolution is about for me: it’s about moving towards a time when there will be no real distinction between Stay-At-Home Dads and Working Dads. They will all just be… Dad.
What does the Evolution mean to you?
Very well said. I am the father of three and working on an adoption. I work in the aerospace industry and love what I do. However, I have always said that I love my work, but love my family more. My managers know that my family and their needs are first on my priority list. That doesn’t mean I never work over 40 hours (although I try hard not to) but it does mean I wont do it consistently.
I have been blessed with a wife that does stay home and manages the house well. This means that my time at home can be quality time with the kids and my wife. Hopefully they see the best of both worlds; that a father can be involved and active in the family and that there is integrity in a strong work ethic. They aren’t mutually exclusive, just hard to balance.
I liked very much what you said, Dana. In particular, I like how you give Charlie’s own words and expression importance and how you dialogue with him. As I imagine you know, that is a real evolution in fathering (at least based on what I saw in my home growing up in the 70s where the father sees himself as the center of attention and judges his fathering himself without considering any feedback from his children).
I do hope we can get to a political economy in the US in coming years where it is easier for both men and women to have work/family/life balance. It seems too many people are still feeling they have to do the separate spheres thing, where one parent stays home and the other makes money.